We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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