just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
