I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm both gender and math confused
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