i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
