No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
