its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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