You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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