I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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