It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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