dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
