apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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