just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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