why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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