there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize