grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
