hell yes lets make some ravioli
Buhtt sex?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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