her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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