so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
