I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
