So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your penis caused this!
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