I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
