Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
