Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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