brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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