I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Randomize
