and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize