all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
