I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize