you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
