Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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