and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
