slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
