how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize