just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
