Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize