Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this just has baby written all over it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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