if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
