i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
