dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
