you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize