i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
