i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
