Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
