On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
