I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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