don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
