so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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