I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
