there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
