I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
