some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
