We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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