I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish my penis had a tongue
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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