shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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