Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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