Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
