If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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