I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
