Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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