you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
