There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
