Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
