oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
