fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
