she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
