and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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