Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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