he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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