what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
