i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
