idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
