I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
