My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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