Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
