if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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