She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
