i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
