i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
