I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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