My nipple is on Facebook.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
