I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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