porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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