I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude. I can hear the air.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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