I should be sponsored by Trojan
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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