The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
