Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
