dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
even my farts smell like vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
