i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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