it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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