i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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