the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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