why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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