shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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