the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
