very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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