where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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