on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The ass gains better be worth it
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