i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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