So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
