I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just pee around me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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