he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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