I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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